Friday, 9 March 2012
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
DESPAIR
"I do not care much
for Despair,
But Despair cares
for me.
He dragged me into
darkness
(There!)
In all his
cruelty."
Dearest Alex,
The last few weeks have not been good.
I keep missing my grandfather, and I wake up from miserable dreams desperately unhappy. It does not help that my new therapy is making me break out again, and now I have some weird red-rash-looking-thing on my drawing hand. I know my naturopath said it will take time, but I'm tired of fighting.
You know how when you watch movies, or read books, you hear that expression (I'm paraphrasing here): "Life is crap, but at least you have your health."
I have not had my health for a very long time. It's terrible to complain, because there are people so much worse off than I am, but though I'm not terminally ill, I have not been well for years. A decade maybe. I can't remember the last time there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
So, I'm sad.
I try to work, but these past few days I can't see the point. Does anyone care about anything I do? I know my family cares. I know my close friends care, but does anyone else?
I'm a ridiculously good artist. I know I can be better, and I will improve with age like fine wine--that's the way of a hard working artist, but how can I be an artist when I'm too tired and miserable to draw. Some would say that I should take this misery and pour it into my work, but I do not want to do that. I do not want to share, and therefore spread, misery. I want to make other people happy. I want to solve world problems. I want to make this world a better place.
Perhaps it is too much to ask, but if I give up, why should others fight either?
I wish I was stronger.
At the moment, I can't get the image in my mind onto paper. It looks wrong. No matter what I do, it looks wrong.
Perhaps tomorrow, if I can get some sleep tonight, I'll be able to figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong.
My article on sketching is roughed out, but I want to find some images to illustrate my point, so it may take me a few days more to finish.
On the bright side, I have sold a few more prints, and maybe soon I'll be able to donate my first check to Sick Kids. It's not much, but every little bit helps. Maybe when people out there figure out I exist, I'll be able to raise more funds.
Talk to you later.
M
Sunday, 12 February 2012
AIMH--Another Page Done!
Dearest Alex,
I just have to write and say that another page (or actually 4 pages if you want to be precise, since I merged 2 two-page spreads into a 1 two-page spread) is done. Finally, I can move on to cougars and more drawing.
I need to update my site, but I'm tired of computers, so I'll leave that for another day. I also need to finish my Horsing Around Blog, but I don't have it in me at the moment.
I miss drawing, so that's what I intend to do.
Anyway, I'm including a portion of the image I completed to "wet the appetite", as they say.
Will write more later!
M
I just have to write and say that another page (or actually 4 pages if you want to be precise, since I merged 2 two-page spreads into a 1 two-page spread) is done. Finally, I can move on to cougars and more drawing.
I need to update my site, but I'm tired of computers, so I'll leave that for another day. I also need to finish my Horsing Around Blog, but I don't have it in me at the moment.
I miss drawing, so that's what I intend to do.
Anyway, I'm including a portion of the image I completed to "wet the appetite", as they say.
Will write more later!
M
Thursday, 9 February 2012
WEBSITE DOWN!!!
Alex!
My website is down and I have no idea what to do! I've sent a message to 4goodhosting, but unless they can help me, I'm lost! The server seems to be down. I think I or Skype may have crashed it. I'm not computer savvy, so I have no idea what could be wrong. I will not panic!
Aaaaaaaaaaaa....rgh.
M
P.S. 4goodhosting fixed it almost immediately. :-)
My website is down and I have no idea what to do! I've sent a message to 4goodhosting, but unless they can help me, I'm lost! The server seems to be down. I think I or Skype may have crashed it. I'm not computer savvy, so I have no idea what could be wrong. I will not panic!
Aaaaaaaaaaaa....rgh.
M
P.S. 4goodhosting fixed it almost immediately. :-)
Monday, 6 February 2012
Dreamweaver: How To Link Within the Page?
Dearest Alex,
I've been trying to figure out how to link within the page in Dreamweaver. I've come across something called Name Anchors, but so far I can't seem to make them work. What do I do?
M
2 h later...
I figured it out. My goodness was the web confusing. They give you the HTML code, but they do not tell you where to place it. I guess, because it's logical after you KNOW what you're doing.
So, here's the solution in Dreamweaver.
Say you have a list of questions that you want to link to answers on the page.
1. You click your cursor (design view) in front of the answer.
2. From the top bar, pick Insert>Named Anchor
3. Name your anchor. For example: Answer01.
4. Select the text you want to link from. For example: Question01.
5. In the Properties tab, make sure you've clicked on HTML and not CSS. In the HTML tab you will see a window named Link and next to it a round type of symbol.
6. Take that symbol (your Question 1 is selected) and drag it to the anchor point in front of your Answer 01.
That's it. The Anchor symbol is visible in the design view, but it is not visible once you go to live view and test your page in the browser.
Now it's 10:57 and I'm going to bed.
Later!
M
I've been trying to figure out how to link within the page in Dreamweaver. I've come across something called Name Anchors, but so far I can't seem to make them work. What do I do?
M
2 h later...
I figured it out. My goodness was the web confusing. They give you the HTML code, but they do not tell you where to place it. I guess, because it's logical after you KNOW what you're doing.
So, here's the solution in Dreamweaver.
Say you have a list of questions that you want to link to answers on the page.
1. You click your cursor (design view) in front of the answer.
2. From the top bar, pick Insert>Named Anchor
3. Name your anchor. For example: Answer01.
4. Select the text you want to link from. For example: Question01.
5. In the Properties tab, make sure you've clicked on HTML and not CSS. In the HTML tab you will see a window named Link and next to it a round type of symbol.
6. Take that symbol (your Question 1 is selected) and drag it to the anchor point in front of your Answer 01.
That's it. The Anchor symbol is visible in the design view, but it is not visible once you go to live view and test your page in the browser.
Now it's 10:57 and I'm going to bed.
Later!
M
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Running Late!
Dearest Alex!
I'm so busy I don't know what to do first, so this will be a very quick update.
I have finally set up "Art: Help!" blog, I did not even know that blogger would allow me to have more than one blog. When I found out, I figured it would be better to keep these blogs separate. I've also decided to create a Horsing Around Blog that will focus on raising funds for local children's hospitals, and maybe somehow manage to reach potential customers in a more user friendly way. However, I do not have a time to fix it up at the moment.
My personal site is begging for updating, and I hope I'll be able to get to it soon.
Now, my first priority is to set up this new blog, so that people can use it, and then get back to my work.
The winner of the Valentine Contest is my good old friend, whom I have not seen in ages, Jay Edry. I loved his idea, and will be posting my vision of his idea soon.
Gotta run!
WTYL
M
I'm so busy I don't know what to do first, so this will be a very quick update.
I have finally set up "Art: Help!" blog, I did not even know that blogger would allow me to have more than one blog. When I found out, I figured it would be better to keep these blogs separate. I've also decided to create a Horsing Around Blog that will focus on raising funds for local children's hospitals, and maybe somehow manage to reach potential customers in a more user friendly way. However, I do not have a time to fix it up at the moment.
My personal site is begging for updating, and I hope I'll be able to get to it soon.
Now, my first priority is to set up this new blog, so that people can use it, and then get back to my work.
The winner of the Valentine Contest is my good old friend, whom I have not seen in ages, Jay Edry. I loved his idea, and will be posting my vision of his idea soon.
Gotta run!
WTYL
M
Friday, 27 January 2012
I Think I'm Paralyzed
Dearest Alex,
I'm paralyzed! I woke up this morning intending to go throug my usual routine, or rather, to get back to my usual routine, because I have not gone through my usual routine in over a week, but tennis interfered. Đoković was playing against Murrey, and though I intended to do Pilates to stretch my mind and body, I got distracted. Giving up on Pilates! I prepared breakfast and was about to watch some tennis and enjoy Novak's victory, when he started to loose! He was leading 5 2 in games in the last set, and then Murrey won 3 games! I started to feel sick in my stomach, so I stopped watching. (Few hours later my dad informed me that Nole managed to get into the finals.)
Why am I writing this?
I'm writing this, because this incident probably led to my mental paralysis. That's the problem with being an artists; artists are overly sensitive. We have to be, because when we create art it is not the sensible part of us that is at work, but the wild, crazy, emotional part, that the sensible desperately works to control. When an overly emotional event grips an artist's body, the sensible part looses, and you end up behaving in a way that others commonly identify with the "artistic temperament".
So, the bottom line is that I felt irrationally upset. What does it matter to me who wins and who looses Australian Open? It's not as if my livelyhood depends on tennis outcomes. Nevertheless, there I was my routine disrupted, trying to calm down by playing Dragonvale and reading "Visions in Death" by J. D. Robb.
That should have made me feel better, but instead had me feeling rather inadequate. There I'm reading a book by the author who writes at least 3 or 4 novels a year (maybe more--I don't know how that woman does it), and I cannot finish one measly book.
I also got a critique back from a friend about my novel, and he tells me to chuck my entire opening, because the audience will not care to read it. I understand that people today have little patience with backstory, but the way I wrote the backstory is to set up clues regarding the fantasy universe of my book. It also makes sense to me to include a little of the backstory, because the book is character driven and the characters live in the fantasy worl, so why would they explain bits and pieces of it as the story goes along. They could refer to past events, maybe, but why would they discuss the creation of their universe, when they are neither philosophers, nor scientists? I love my story, and I can see the need for exposition, but others apparently do not, and the key is to find an agent so that I can share my story with the world. Maybe I should just give the chapters without the backstory, and once they read more than a page of my novel, I could discuss with them the need for the backstory with my novel.
What is it with me? Why can't I tread an already beaten path? Nooooo! I have to stubbornly walk in the wilderness of untried uncertainties.
So, here I am: paralyzed. Should I sell out, adjust my tale to fit established parameters, or should I go with my gut, struggle to get this published the way I feel deep in my soul that it should be published? Why can't I be living in the East where people know how to stop, breathe in, and enjoy something beautiful, without asking: "What's going to happen next?"
I'm paralysed; so many things to do, that I sit here doing nothing, because I do not know what to do first. Should I work on my Website and new blog--so that maybe I can draw some customers and raise money for local hospitals? Should I study "Starting an Online Business for Dummies"? Should I work on my article? My Valentine's greeting card? Should I try drawing my portrait again, because the last 7 I did look nothing like me and I'm beginning to fear that drawing cartoons has robbed me of the ability to draw realism? (Portraiture is my thing, I was always admired because I got people to look exactly like themselves, better than a camera could capture, because drawing and painting trends to bring out the subject's soul, while only a few photographers manage to accomplish such a thing on film.). Should I get back to working on AIMH?
I'm waiting for a response from my client, so I'm afraid to get bogged down by a big job that I cannot stop to work on a client's job once they get back to me. However, they are not getting back to me, and my day is almost gone.
Paralysis is a terrible thing Alex. So, I'll say goodbye for now and get back to painting AIMH. It is what I really need to get done. However, I do wish I had a Roy (Walt Disney's brother who took care of the business side, while Walt handled the creative side). It is overwhelming being an artist and a businesswoman at the same time. All I want to do is draw and paint, while instead I'm wasting precious time researching, handling reports and marketing. I may need to hire someone, but I have serious trust issues when it comes to my work.
Ah, paralysis.
M
I'm paralyzed! I woke up this morning intending to go throug my usual routine, or rather, to get back to my usual routine, because I have not gone through my usual routine in over a week, but tennis interfered. Đoković was playing against Murrey, and though I intended to do Pilates to stretch my mind and body, I got distracted. Giving up on Pilates! I prepared breakfast and was about to watch some tennis and enjoy Novak's victory, when he started to loose! He was leading 5 2 in games in the last set, and then Murrey won 3 games! I started to feel sick in my stomach, so I stopped watching. (Few hours later my dad informed me that Nole managed to get into the finals.)
Why am I writing this?
I'm writing this, because this incident probably led to my mental paralysis. That's the problem with being an artists; artists are overly sensitive. We have to be, because when we create art it is not the sensible part of us that is at work, but the wild, crazy, emotional part, that the sensible desperately works to control. When an overly emotional event grips an artist's body, the sensible part looses, and you end up behaving in a way that others commonly identify with the "artistic temperament".
So, the bottom line is that I felt irrationally upset. What does it matter to me who wins and who looses Australian Open? It's not as if my livelyhood depends on tennis outcomes. Nevertheless, there I was my routine disrupted, trying to calm down by playing Dragonvale and reading "Visions in Death" by J. D. Robb.
That should have made me feel better, but instead had me feeling rather inadequate. There I'm reading a book by the author who writes at least 3 or 4 novels a year (maybe more--I don't know how that woman does it), and I cannot finish one measly book.
I also got a critique back from a friend about my novel, and he tells me to chuck my entire opening, because the audience will not care to read it. I understand that people today have little patience with backstory, but the way I wrote the backstory is to set up clues regarding the fantasy universe of my book. It also makes sense to me to include a little of the backstory, because the book is character driven and the characters live in the fantasy worl, so why would they explain bits and pieces of it as the story goes along. They could refer to past events, maybe, but why would they discuss the creation of their universe, when they are neither philosophers, nor scientists? I love my story, and I can see the need for exposition, but others apparently do not, and the key is to find an agent so that I can share my story with the world. Maybe I should just give the chapters without the backstory, and once they read more than a page of my novel, I could discuss with them the need for the backstory with my novel.
What is it with me? Why can't I tread an already beaten path? Nooooo! I have to stubbornly walk in the wilderness of untried uncertainties.
So, here I am: paralyzed. Should I sell out, adjust my tale to fit established parameters, or should I go with my gut, struggle to get this published the way I feel deep in my soul that it should be published? Why can't I be living in the East where people know how to stop, breathe in, and enjoy something beautiful, without asking: "What's going to happen next?"
I'm paralysed; so many things to do, that I sit here doing nothing, because I do not know what to do first. Should I work on my Website and new blog--so that maybe I can draw some customers and raise money for local hospitals? Should I study "Starting an Online Business for Dummies"? Should I work on my article? My Valentine's greeting card? Should I try drawing my portrait again, because the last 7 I did look nothing like me and I'm beginning to fear that drawing cartoons has robbed me of the ability to draw realism? (Portraiture is my thing, I was always admired because I got people to look exactly like themselves, better than a camera could capture, because drawing and painting trends to bring out the subject's soul, while only a few photographers manage to accomplish such a thing on film.). Should I get back to working on AIMH?
I'm waiting for a response from my client, so I'm afraid to get bogged down by a big job that I cannot stop to work on a client's job once they get back to me. However, they are not getting back to me, and my day is almost gone.
Paralysis is a terrible thing Alex. So, I'll say goodbye for now and get back to painting AIMH. It is what I really need to get done. However, I do wish I had a Roy (Walt Disney's brother who took care of the business side, while Walt handled the creative side). It is overwhelming being an artist and a businesswoman at the same time. All I want to do is draw and paint, while instead I'm wasting precious time researching, handling reports and marketing. I may need to hire someone, but I have serious trust issues when it comes to my work.
Ah, paralysis.
M
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