Not a good week...

Dearest Alex,

It's been a while, since I wrote last, but what could I do?

Between working hard, my temperature spiking, and my dad being rushed to a hospital, I did not feel much like writing.

I'm still worried about my dad.  His systolic blood pressure is extremely high 160s to 190s (it was once 207), while the diastolic is somewhere in high 80s.  The difference between the two is horrific.  He is also a diabetic and in his late 50s.  I have not slept well in days; since he came home on Wednesday from work and was rushed to the hospital.  I keep having nightmares.  Among others, there was one of me giving birth to a dead baby, and last night I dreamed I was with my whole family as a kid, only to wake up and realize that too many of them have passed on.

My dad seems fine, but both my grandfathers seemed fine, before they suddenly dropped dead.  So, I worry, hoping that I'm just panicking needlessly.

Yesterday, I've seen my Naturopath and the treatment prescribed is not working as well as it should.  She suggest I go back to an extreme diet, but I fear that extreme diets may result in something worse.  A friend who went on an extreme diet ended up lactose intolerant.  I love cheese.  I gave up sugar, I can live without sugar, but life is not worth living without cheese and dark chocolate.

I feel weak, and tired and I'm sick of being sick.

I don't know if I mentioned this mysterious redness on my hands.  It spread slowly for months, because I could not see a dermatologist.  On the day of my appointment, the poor doctor ended up in a hospital, and I've only managed to see his wife this past Monday.  I hope her husband is going to be alright.  She seems to think that the redness is caused by allergy to some substance, maybe some of my art supplies or something.  The good news is I got this steroid cream and the redness is almost gone!  I keep waiting for it to come back, because I thought it was going away before, and then it just spread, but it looks like it is really gone this time.

So, yey, good news!

As far as art goes, I'm finally painting the three paintings at the same time--the ones that will make up the last two-page spread of my book.  My mother is going nuts over my using the dining-room table, but it is the only surface large enough in my entire house.  I'm trying not to rush the job, and I've already made two mistakes, but I hope I could edit them out on the computer when the illustration is painted.

Today, I've filled a Horsing Around Order, have updated the donation report, and have noted my expenses and other tax stuff for this month.

Now, I'm expecting guests; a dear friend and her tiny baby boy.  Haven't seen him in months.

I'm falling asleep as I type this.

I'll try to keep this blog updated more frequently.

Love,

M

P.S.  Almost done with the Visual Language article for my other blog, just need to define elements and principles of design, and find an assignment I did years ago...

A Good Day

Dearest Alex,

Today was a good day. I've had such trouble getting my drawings to behave lately, so to have everything work out splendidly today came as somewhat of a surprise.

My intention, when I woke up, was to finish the last third of a very complex two-page spread in ink (yes, the drawing is complex enough to require me to split it into 3 parts and make it very "wide screen" for me to tell the story the way it should be told) and then to take the three pages outside and paint in this glorious, unusually warm March weather. As is usual with intentions, this intention did not come to pass. The last drawing proved very intricate, then I had to go back on the computer and add the floor design I forgot to add with my initial printout, then I traced that design with ink as well... By the time I was done, and have consumed some lunch, it was 15:30. Too late in the day to begin painting outside. Instead, I finally had a shower, lathered on sunscreen, and took my iPad and Harold Speed's book on Oil Painting to read.

I could barely focus on the pages--the sun was that bright--so I got my wide brimmed hat and sunglasses, reposed in a collapsible chair and spent the following two hours reading and taking notes. There was quite a nice passage about art being an expression of that something intangible, a proof that there is a world outside of our perceptions... But, I did not copy that down, focusing on phrases I may quote in some of my upcoming articles.

I also flirted with the idea of writing my April article, but I decided that needed more intellectual stimulation than I could give lulled by the warm sun. However, I did decide (while I was in the shower) to focus my article on introducing elements and principles of design, and then exploring the most useful drawing tool: the line. I will have to create a number of sketches to illustrate my point, so I should get moving on the article soon.

Jay is the only one of my friends who contributed his sketch page for my previous article, but there were a few others who said they will contribute in the future. I do not understand why all of them are so reluctant. We should help each other as much as we can, instead I find most people threatened by other's talent. I cannot see the downside. They can watermark their sketches if they so wish, the way I do, and I will link to their site and spread the word about them. Sure, my blog is new so it does not have as many followers, but that will change as more and more people discover the wealth of free information available to them with each article I write.

Yes, I know I do not know everything, but I've been well educated, and I continue to educate myself, so I know something, and every little bit helps.

So, despite my not getting to paint as I wished, I did have a wonderful and productive day.

The weather will worsen by Friday, so I'll stay indoors again, and maybe by next week I'll have that 3 part painting done, and another giant hurdle crossed off my illustration path.

Tomorrow, if I manage to get tickets, I'm off to see Seagull at the National Ballet of Canada.

Life is good.

Love,

M

Testing the phone app

Just want to test the phone app, so I can see if justification works.

Guess I'll find out soon enough. This typing is somewhat irritating. The keyboard is tiny. Why don't they have this app for iPad?

Questions?

New Art Help! Article

Dearest Alex,

The new Art Help! article on Sketching is finally up.  I've written it ages ago, but I did not have the time to scan images into the computer to illustrate what I wished to say.  As it is my illustrations are very rough, but then again, the whole point of the article is rough sketches.  If you wish to see it, you can click on the following link:

Art: Help!: Sketching

I well remember those days when I was obsessed with making perfect sketches, and that is just not constructive.  Nowadays, my initial sketches tend to be mostly squiggles only artists can interpret.  For example the sketch below.

This sketch is tiny, maybe inch by inch.  However, it contains all the information I need to create something bigger and more beautiful.

Now, that the article and taxes are done, I'm looking forward to continuing AIMH.  I did do a layout sketch for the last two-page spread in the book, but I'm still not 100% happy with it.

What do you think?

I may either stick the text some where on the image, but since this image will likely be smaller than the format of the pages, maybe I'll have the text written above and/or below.

I need to fix the structure, maybe get more bend in the characters, emotions...  

I've scaled the image up, so I'll be able to get into the details of the faces better--I need to figure out the design for the people as well.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see a dermatologist (FINALLY!).  I think I've developed some allergy to the medicine I'm taking, and there is an awful red rash thing on my hands (especially on my drawing hand).  I haven't slept well in weeks, the gauze on my hand is irritating, and the rash is itchy so I keep waking up if my hand touches my pillow a certain way.

However, I do believe that my overall health is improving.  I just need to get back to doing regular cardio.  I've lost my routine in Cuba and have not gotten it back since.

Yesterday was a glorious day!

I planned to finish the article yesterday, but it was too beautiful to say indoors.

Will let you know as soon as something interesting happens.

Love,

M

P.S.  Whenever I try to write on my iPad the words get mushed together, so I guess I won't be able to keep writing as regularly as I would wish.  Unless there is a blogger app...

Checking In

Tax season. Oy vay. What more can I say? M

DESPAIR

"I do not care much for Despair,

But Despair cares for me.

He dragged me into darkness

(There!)

In all his cruelty."

Dearest Alex,

The last few weeks have not been good.

I keep missing my grandfather, and I wake up from miserable dreams desperately unhappy.  It does not help that my new therapy is making me break out again, and now I have some weird red-rash-looking-thing on my drawing hand.  I know my naturopath said it will take time, but I'm tired of fighting.

You know how when you watch movies, or read books, you hear that expression (I'm paraphrasing here): "Life is crap, but at least you have your health."

I have not had my health for a very long time.  It's terrible to complain, because there are people so much worse off than I am, but though I'm not terminally ill, I have not been well for years.  A decade maybe.  I can't remember the last time there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.

So, I'm sad.

I try to work, but these past few days I can't see the point.  Does anyone care about anything I do?  I know my family cares.  I know my close friends care, but does anyone else?

I'm a ridiculously good artist.  I know I can be better, and I will improve with age like fine wine--that's the way of a hard working artist, but how can I be an artist when I'm too tired and miserable to draw.  Some would say that I should take this misery and pour it into my work, but I do not want to do that.  I do not want to share, and therefore spread, misery.  I want to make other people happy.  I want to solve world problems.  I want to make this world a better place.

Perhaps it is too much to ask, but if I give up, why should others fight either?

I wish I was stronger.

At the moment, I can't get the image in my mind onto paper.  It looks wrong.  No matter what I do, it looks wrong.

Perhaps tomorrow, if I can get some sleep tonight, I'll be able to figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong.

My article on sketching is roughed out, but I want to find some images to illustrate my point, so it may take me a few days more to finish.

On the bright side, I have sold a few more prints, and maybe soon I'll be able to donate my first check to Sick Kids.  It's not much, but every little bit helps.  Maybe when people out there figure out I exist, I'll be able to raise more funds.

Talk to you later.

M

AIMH--Another Page Done!

Dearest Alex,

I just have to write and say that another page (or actually 4 pages if you want to be precise, since I merged 2 two-page spreads into a 1 two-page spread) is done.  Finally, I can move on to cougars and more drawing.

I need to update my site, but I'm tired of computers, so I'll leave that for another day.  I also need to finish my Horsing Around Blog, but I don't have it in me at the moment.

I miss drawing, so that's what I intend to do.

Anyway, I'm including a portion of the image I completed to "wet the appetite", as they say.

Will write more later!

M